I get a text today from my mother today saying, “Why did my calendar notify me that today, Aug 31, is “National Face Tape Day” in Makawalli?
- You obviously left your phone unattended exactly one year ago.
- Today is a holiday in my fictional country of Makawalli.
(My actual response: “Because it’s a holiday. Thanks for the reminder!”)
What is this beautiful holiday, you ask?
This is the day for facial hair made of tape. I refer you to the following Past Becky for this glorious holiday’s inception:
This holiday is special in that it occurs every year on August 31, and it also has “honorary holidays” where you celebrate it whenever you feel like wearing a tape mustache and/or goatee! IT’S ALWAYS A PARTY WITH FAKE MUSTACHES! (This was especially true when my friends and I were on lockdown in our dorms one year (something about a nearby fire and/or gunman *shrug* ain’t no thang), and we donned tape facial hair and played a rousing game of Mao. Good times. Good times.)
And guess what?? You, by virtue of being here and awesome, are a citizen of the great nation of Makawalli. It has been so decreed. (Not by me. I’m just the Founder. The leader is a stick man named Randy. He’s the decree-er of decrees.)
How do I celebrate this momentous holiday, you ask?
- Find or acquire tape. Scotch tape, painter’s tape, packing tape, duct tape, VHS tape, fly tape, cloth tape, bandage tape. (note: some tapes are more wonderful or more evil than others. Painter’s tape and cloth tape are the nicest. I do not strongly recommend fly tape. Duct tape can be beautiful but painful.)
- Either cut out shapes of facial hair or start experimenting free-style. I’m a big fan of the single strip of tape down the side of the face JUST BECAUSE.
- CELEBRATE IN YOUR AWESOMENESS. Know that you are special. And crazy. But a good kind of crazy.
- When someone asks about the tape—because they WILL ask—you can direct them here or respond with a stony, very-serious silence. Your choice.
- Take a selfie and make all of those non-Makawallians jealous! Or hide in your room where no one can see you. Play some solitaire or binge-watch Leverage and Sherlock on Netflix. That’s an option too.
- Post a picture of your mustachioed/bearded/tape-tastic self on your blog or tag me on Twitter @McRebecky. We shall gather A Following. The Following shall lead us to the future. Or, at the very best, we’ll get some smiles.
So. If you see me waltzing about or posting selfies on Twitter, do not be alarmed. It’s all gonna be A-Okay, sport.
I’m just celebrating National Face Tape Day.