How to Have a Ninja Car

My Eldest Sister is getting a new car. New-ish, anyway. I heard through the grapevine named Our Mother that her car is a lovely dark blue. Well, Eldest Sister, if you’ve read any of the posts about Ninja Car, you know that it can be dangerous.

Here are the steps to discovering if you have a ninja car and how to keep it as safe (as possible).

Do YOU Have a Ninja Car?

You don’t pick the ninja car, it picks YOU. Your car will let you know in due time if it possesses the stealthiness and shadowy abilities of the ninja. For instance, my Ninja Car slipped into the shadows on a regular basis. In the first six months I had it, it was hit three times by other drivers (two times of which were while it was parked at night).

Don’t Park in the Street

The street is a dangerous place. Don’t park there. This might be tricky, depending on where you live, but the first time Ninja Car suffered a blow was when my family’s Matriarch (grandma) whipped out of the driveway and didn’t look for my new car. Cue honking alarm system! Parking on the street has its own risks, but if you car is dark like the shadows of the night, take extra precautions!

Warn People

Get sirens if you have to, but WARN EVERYONE! As mentioned above, Grams forgot I had a new car. It’s best to warn people, especially if you suspect your car of being a ninja. Remind them (oh, every two minutes or so?) that you have a new (potentially ninja) car outside, and they shouldn’t be fooled by it!

Have a Car Alarm

Get a car alarm so your car can call for help! I know it goes against your better judgment (and budget). I know it goes against the very nature of the ninja. But if your car suffers in the night from the shadowy influence of DARKNESS ITSELF, then you should give your car a way to signal you that it needs maximum backup.

Get Car Insurance

This might sound obvious, but the three times Ninja Car was injured, I only had the minimum amount of insurance. Ever since I upgraded to full coverage? Not a single accident. Sigh. The ways of the ninja are mysterious and enumerable.

Don’t Blame the Ninja

If your car IS a ninja, don’t give it a hard time. Sure, it might get a little beat up, but that’s because it’s too good at being a ninja. It hides in the shadows, lurks in the night. You can’t blame it for being itself! Just take the precautions you can, and hope for the best.


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